Nothing But Trouble
by Ashlahrs
Summary: This is what I imagined could have led up to Maggie actually cutting her hair. Maggie's internal struggles and cry for help are met with Jim's plea to help that gets rejected.


Maggie woke up with a gasp, drenched in sweat again. It'd been months since she'd come back from Uganda, but nothing had gotten any better even with the psychological examinations she'd had to undergo. There had been nothing that made her feel any better. Her best friend wasn't her best friend and hadn't been for a year now, the last guy she really had feelings for was dating another reporter and off the market, and her days and nights were still plagued with guilt and sorrow and shock. It wasn't like she was the only person to see negative things. Mac of all people had seen more than Maggie could even imagine. Somehow they all continued to keep on living life and smiling like nothing had ever happened... she didn't get it. Was she defective? Did she have the ability to keep going like they did? Sometimes she felt like giving in and quitting because to her it was becoming a sign that she didn't belong in the newsroom, that she was just a civilian.

Almost like they could read her thoughts, she got a text from Jim at work that she was to head in as soon as she could, something about Dantana and the tape he doctored. All she did was reply to Jim that she would show up as soon as she could but not making any promises as to how quickly it would be. They didn't call her so it wasn't urgent. "Shit," she sighed, rolling over onto her back and staring up at the ceiling. She kept replaying her reading to the little boy over and over and over again in her head, the entire interactions with him, until something just _clicked_ and she sat up with a look of determination and understanding across her soft features. Getting herself to her feet, she walked into the bathroom that she and Lisa shared and started to rifle through the drawers until she found what she was looking for: an electric hair clipper and a packet of hair dye that Lisa had given up on using.

She was about to start cutting her hair when she heard Lisa making more noise than usual. _Damn._ She put the dye and the clipper back where they were before stepping out of the bathroom to go get dressed. Maggie wished Lisa was still her friend... That comfort, that person she could turn to no matter what, and that one person that would somehow manage to make her feel better no matter what happened. Maggie was having a crisis and needed someone. Now that she had nobody to turn to, Maggie was left drinking her sorrows away. She supposed she should thank Jim because he's noticed and not said anything about it so far to anyone outside of her. What would she do if she lost her job? While she wasn't sure that she was made up of the right stuff, Maggie didn't want to lose a job she adored. She loved doing the news, the _real_ news, with Will and Mac and even Don! She didn't want to lose that because she was having a tough time.

Those thoughts plagued her again and again as she got dressed and took her normal doses of alcohol, vodka like Jim had suggested to her, until she got to the office. Walking into the newsroom den, Maggie was immediately confronted with the sight of Jim and Hallie Skyping together. _Of course._ It didn't look happy like usual, though, and she looked around to see that the group was in the briefing room. "Looks like they got started without me," she mumbled, brushing her hair back behind her ear. She was about to step into the briefing room when Jim hung up his Skype call and came jogging over to her. "Hey, I'm glad you showed up. Before you go in there I just had something I wanted to talk to you about- Maggie... I told you, you can't keep drinking and going to work."

"Jim, I'm fine. Have I failed to do my job?"

"Well no but-"

"Then I'm fine. What did you want?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest to watch him. Why couldn't he see that she was fine? Well, she knew she wasn't fine, but she knew that he was just saying it to bother her. At least that's how she was perceiving it. Her job wasn't in detrimental condition because of her newly found alcoholism, so in her mind he was just bothering her to bother her.

"It doesn't take a genius to see what you're going through. Mac sees you're hurting, Don sees that you're having a bad time, and Charlie's asked me about your mental state once. Do you need me to talk to someone to get you time off so you can sort yourself out? Is there _anything_ I can do?" His pleading tone was evident. He wanted to help her, he really did, but he had no idea how or if she even wanted it. There wasn't a manual on this. All he was doing was extending a helping hand to a friend who desperately needed it. Jim saw her cry for help for what it was. Unfortunately she didn't.

_You could have not gone to New Hampshire_, she thought spitefully to herself. Although what she actually said was, "Thanks but no thanks... Go back to your girlfriend."

"Maggie, I-"

"Jim... Just stop. I'm not your burden anymore."

"If you were a burden then I wouldn't have-"

"You went to _New Hampshire_ to get away from me, Jim! I'm a burden. I'm a burden to you and ACN, and you need to leave me alone because you weren't there. He died because I turned around. If I hadn't..."

"Maggie.. Stop."

"If I did then he died in vain. If I don't think about it then nobody else will. Just leave me alone... You have your happy ending."

Maggie turned then and headed out of the newsroom. She couldn't be there. She couldn't be around Jim and his happiness. Her whole life had turned around, upside down, inside out, and spun way out of control because of him. How could someone who made her so happy then, and even now, make her want to curl up into a ball and cry? Maggie knew he was right, though, about her needing to move on. She just couldn't, not yet. There was something she had to do first, something that should have been done the moment she got back.

The sun was peaking through the gaps in the buildings as she got home to to her shared apartment. It looked like Lisa had left for work, so that meant she was able to do as she pleased. She dropped her bag in a chair in the living room and sighed. It was now or never and she was determined for it to be now. There was still alcohol in her system, the perfect motivation provider. With that in mind, Maggie went back into the bathroom and grabbed the clippers and the dye again. _This hair color is called blonde, Daniel, and it's nothing but trouble._ "I won't be trouble for long, Daniel... I promise." And with that, Maggie turned on the clippers and started to cut her hair, letting the blonde locks fall to the floor. She wasn't going to look back any more than she had to.


End file.
